How do you know you are a nightmare of a person? How do you know if you are a tool? Send us tips. Here are some submissions from our readers:

Paula tells us:

“Fraternities and Sororities exist to breed genetic model ideals. “Ivy-League” schools exist for rich families and family-controlled business to control mating limits. Parents of women who are “sent to” Ivy League schools want those women to get the “Mrs.” and not their “Master’s,” in many cases. They say it is about “marrying your peers” yet most men from Ivy League schools turn into abusers, white collar felons and buy at least 4 mistresses and treat women as trophy wife property.”

Randy Says:

“Sororities & Frat houses create a stirring call for the genetically gifted to band together and form an Aryan-like Master Race. Retrogressive image-controlled mating is the target of Yale, Stanford, Princeton and similar puppy farms for yuppies. Women who have idealized model-like faces are emotionally punished if they do not date a guy who has GQ-looking aquiline facial features. Those women who do not have such features are encouraged to get surgically cut and modified to try to achieve them. Then they are all locked in a bubble to avoid outside perceptions, depth or any awareness further than 2 feet from their Land-Rover or BMW. If you don’t have the Playboy/GQ “look” it is off to the social ovens for you.”

Della says:

“Owners of companies in the Ivy-League breeding pond will not hire those who do not have the plastic yuppie/hipster/Master Race “look” for fear of tainting the pond because everyone sleeps with each other at yuppie start-ups.”

Penny Writes:

“Susan Patton’s famous letter in the daily Princetonian telling girls to bag one in an Ivy League school or you will be left out of the good breeding stock, The Atlantic article on “Why Women Still Can’t Have It All”, and the “Lean In” controversy show that we have a long way to go.”

Pam Says

“The read Pride & Prejudice as if it is Ann Landers. They refer to their “station in life” as if humans are property. It is a sick society that Ivy League people come from.”

Susan Leeder from Tiburon sends us this one:

Here is the big test:

If you think that all of the people in the photos, above, look like: “Nice Happy People” and you don’t see anything disturbing or deeply wrong with the clone-like superficiality in the above pictures then you have very deep, very big problems!

You too can be a pompous, megalomaniac ivy league prick if your parents make you go to an ivy league school to program you and delete any sense of awareness, world-view or non-elitism out of you.


Carla Westly from Novato sends us this from a Stanford blog:
“Are you a robotic mercenary Stanford Yuppie who needs De-Programming? Were you turned into a robotic San Francisco Marina Yuppie by Stanford brainwashing?

You need to hurry and undo the stereotype externalizations and mental aberrations that Stanford brainwashing may have programmed into you. How do you know if you need such classes? Here are the signs:

1. Do you live in the Marina District in San Francisco? The Marina is where fraternity boys and sorority girls live in a cluster so they can reinforce their sense of privilege together. The younger ones go to Chestnut Street, the next older ones (yuppies) to Union St and they move up the hill to Pacific Heights as they get old. When “they” say those areas are “really nice”, they mean that there is no cultural diversity and that everyone looks just like them with small sharp facial features and blonde or black hair. They have “business clubs” called which make sure that they only do business with each other and don’t mix races or non-frat-house people into business deals. They have either nordic or Mediterranean features with small upturned noses. They raise their eyebrows and exaggerate their facial expressions as often as possible in order to appear to be interesting. They smile at each other but look through those who do not match the profile. If this is the case, then this class is for you!

2. Are your facial features small in size and perfectly balanced? Have you had plastic surgery to make them look even more so or died your hair and eyebrows to the darkest or lightest colors you can? Equilateral facial features are very important to Yuppies.

3. Are your parents rich and did they go to fraternities and sororities?

4. Are you and your frat buddies the only ones able to get money from the venture capitalists for your start-ups because you and they can exchange the secret Stanford handshake?

5. If you are a guy do you see women as objects to be used to demonstrate your position over other men in your Stanford Club?

6. If you are a woman do you sit in your junior league meetings and wonder which Stanford/Guardsman guy you can bag as a husband so you never have to work again? Do you wonder how quick you can get him to have an affair so you can get a great alimony deal?

7. Does the most important location in your life have the word “brewing company” in it’s name?

8. Are you unable to interact with humans on a one-to-one basis, must you always be in a group of Stanford people with beers in order to communicate? Can you laugh on que?

9. Do you drive a BMW?

10. Do you have a fanatic interest in sports but can’t explain why?

11. Do you judge others mostly by how much money they have? Do you try to appear to have as much money as possible?

12. Do you think Berkeley (Cal) University is a “bunch of filthy hippies”?

13. Do you feel like a robot that was cloned by a machine to support its infrastructure?

14. Do those around you discourage you from dating anyone who does not have the “Stanford Look” or the “Stanford way of thinking”?

15. Did Stanford make you live on campus so you wouldn’t cross-breed with any families who were not from the “proper list” of families. Did they do anything possible to keep you from seeing anybody in East Palo Alto?

16. Do you make exaggerated facial expressions of fake interest and false excitement and then does your face suddenly go blank like a robot when you think nobody is looking?”

Paul Bunson of Mill Valley sends us this one:

The difference between a gold digger and someone who values your role as a provider is that the gold digger would deride and perhaps leave you if you lost your ability to provide for them financially. A good person can appreciate your financial resources, but a gold digger appreciates only that, and will not see the relationship as worthwhile if you’re not well off.

  1. Gold diggers drop hints that they’re having trouble paying their bills (sometimes they might even ask you directly for a “loan” to tide them over). They know that you don’t want to see them get an eviction notice, or get their car repossessed, and you’re a good person who’s in a position to help. But there’s a difference between a gold digger and someone who’s just fallen on bad times. What you should be looking for is if, despite their situation, this person is making poor financial decisions. Do they buy a brand new car with luxury features when they’re struggling to pay rent? Do they buy $300 shoes or watches when their phone service is at risk of getting cut off? Do they go to expensive restaurants when their credit cards are maxed out, because they “work hard” and they “earned it”? Many gold diggers know better than to ask you to fund their more luxurious tastes, at least in the beginning; they’ll tap into your desire to help them afford the things they need (food, shelter, transportation) so that they can spend their own money on the things they want.
  2. When they discuss their financial woes, suggest ways in which the suspected gold digger can make money fast. When you mention the possibility of them selling their luxury car, video console, guitar, diamond bracelet, or any other expensive item that could keep them from becoming homeless or having their utilities cut off or car repossessed, how do they respond? The average person will be saddened and may even become angry or upset, but a gold digger will be appalled at the very idea that they should have to give up their prized possessions in order to meet their own basic needs. They’ll treat the idea as ludicrous.
  3. Look for a sense of entitlement. Gold diggers feel that they deserve to be treated well, and that includes knowing that someone is willing to spend money on them. Maybe it’s because they had a bad childhood or relationship, and they feel they deserve to be happy (and it just so happens that their joy carries a high price tag). Or maybe they feel it’s their right to be able to pursue their big dreams at the expense of financial stability, and, coincidentally, haven’t considered who will foot the bill of their soul-searching. Have you noticed unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment? This sense of entitlement is one of the symptoms of narcissistic behavior, which has other symptoms that a potential gold digger might harbor:[1]grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
    • believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)
    • requires excessive admiration
    • lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
    • often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her
  4. Ask them meaningful questions.
    • What is the best gift they’ve ever gotten? Gold diggers will almost always cite an expensive, material object, not a uniquely personal and thoughtful gift.
    • What’s the biggest thing you ever had to give up to do or get something you really wanted? What you’re searching for here is evidence of delayed gratification – the ability to give up something now so that you can achieve something greater, later. Gold diggers are notoriously spoiled or sheltered, and have never had to really wait, work, or struggle for what they want because somehow, someone was always there to help.
  5. See what questions they ask you. Certain questions which might seem harmless might really be an attempt to judge your ability to provide. None of these questions, alone, should get you worried but all of them on the first date should definitely send up a red flag:
    • How much do you make a year? Why would she/he ask this question? Because a gold digger is a mobile calculator, therefore every question that relates to money is calculated to determine the percentage of the total amount that she/he believes she/he “deserves”.
    • Are you a homeowner? And what type of car do you drive? They are trying to determine your overall worth and whether being with you is a profitable investment for them.
    • How many kids do you have? Your answer to the question will help her/him determine (calculate) much of your income and attention goes to your children and how much time you can devote to her/him. A gold digger is a needy individual that will take up a lot of your money, time and energy.
  6. Search for signs of generosity and gratitude towards you. After having gone on several dates, has this person ever offered to pay? When you do pay, does he or she say thank you? Do they ever offer to help you in other ways? (And no, physical intimacy doesn’t count); do they cook you dinner when you’ve been out working late? Fix your computer? Run an errand for you when your schedule’s especially tight? If these character traits are missing, is this really someone you want to get involved with? A person doesn’t develop gratitude and generosity overnight…
  7. Indulge in a pipe dream. A pipe dream is basically a long shot. Take one of your childhood fantasies and run with it. Tell the person you’re dating that you’re thinking about becoming the mechanic, farmer, supermodel, writer, [insert dream career here] you’ve always wanted to be. Explain how if you were to ever do this, it would require a significant lifestyle change; you’d have to go back to school, relocate, or whatever would make it clear that your standard of living will go down dramatically. How does this person respond? Do they seem concerned? That’s normal. A good person will encourage you to follow your dreams while simultaneously helping you think of ways to do it practically and responsibly. A gold digger will look horrified or disgusted and say things like “You’re not really serious, are you?” OR they are ready to call it quits and leave because you are paying attention to “you” instead of “them”.
  8. Watch yourself. It feels good to help people, whether you just helped someone avoid becoming homeless, or you’re helping an aspiring artist or entrepreneur launch his or her career, but you have to be careful that you don’t fall into a pattern where your help become the norm, so much so that without your financial assistance, the relationship would crumble. If you’re the kind of person who has trouble saying “no”, or who is intensely sympathetic and compassionate, you’re more likely to bump into a gold digger. You might also face the feeling that this is one of the most attractive or intriguing people you’ve ever dated, and you don’t want to ruin your chances, but don’t be fooled by a good looking exterior. It could cost you.
  9. Listen to the types of questions you are asked. Even seemingly innocuous questions like “What do you do?” and “Where do you live?” can be loaded questions, asked in an attempt to ascertain your net worth and lifestyle. In any case, do not answer these questions directly – but start out by explaining your life story. What things happened to you as a child/teenager that shaped the life you live today? A person truly interested in who you are will listen intently and ask questions of a more personal nature – whereas a gold digger will not have the patience to get to know you first; they will only want to find out your current financial position before investing any time in you. Gold diggers in a social situation will work the room and are “on the clock”. The longer you can delay telling them what you do, they will be unable to size you up and you stand a better chance of weeding them out.
  • Give them a piece of rope and see if they “hang themselves” with it. The next time you go out, give them a credit card so they can purchase a nice outfit. Gold-diggers will “hang” themselves by purchasing more than an outfit with the credit card you have given the[2]
  • Gold diggers can be business partners as well.
  • Protect yourself by maintaining your financial independence. Keep your own bank accounts and approach joint accounts and credit cards with extreme caution.
  • If this person complains that you don’t ever do anything nice anymore, think of 2-3 inexpensive dates and one expensive one and see what your date says. A gold digger will reliably pick out the most expensive one, every time.
  • Once a physical relationship has started, a gold digger will usually not engage in “physical” activities unless given incentive i.e. taken on a date, given a gift, etc.
  • It’s always a good idea to check court records to see if the gold-digger has been divorced. You can learn a lot by reading their complaint, motions and responses, etc. Don’t simply rely on ‘their side’ of the story.
  • Have you met their family? You can learn a lot from people close to them.
  • Watch other people’s reactions when they hear you’ve been out with someone or spending time with someone. Often, others will attempt to subtly let you know through reactions and comments that the person is a gold digger.
  • Most people don’t want to be obliged or beholden to others for large sums of money. A gold digger doesn’t have to be prompted twice to take a “loan” from you. Think about what makes sense: would you open up to someone you just met about your financial woes? Would you take a loan from a guy or girl you’ve been out with once? Probably not, but a gold digger is looking for his or her next “sugar daddy/mama” at all times.
  • Gold diggers tend to name-drop and it’s a red flag.
  • If you find yourself dating gold diggers more often than you’d like, think about where you meet people, and how you present yourself. If you look like you could be somebody’s “sugar daddy” or “sugar momma” (successful, with a high standard of living) then guess what kind of crowd you’re going to attract?
  • Don’t become overly stingy in an effort to spot a gold digger. The above steps all involve getting to know the person, and observing their behavior. You don’t have to pretend to be a total cheapskate in order to judge someone’s character.
  • Anyone can be a gold digger, male or female, rich or poor. Sometimes they will try to put on a show that they lost everything and are in a state of depression.
  • Watch out for people who frequently change jobs, or go long periods of time unemployed. Be careful when there is always an excuse to explain their unemployment, especially when the reason is always someone else’s fault (I got laid off, my boss hated me, they wanted me to work all the time, there was no room for advancement, they kept shorting my paychecks, etc.) Stuff happens, but when it happens to that person over and over, it’s a red flag.
  • Many gold diggers won’t let go of one relationship until they have a more lucrative one on the line. Watch out for the guy or girl who grows close to you, and more dependent on you, but won’t let go of the unhappy relationship they are in. They may be working both ends against the middle, wringing the last drops out of their current relationship, while setting you up to be their next.
Myrna Sykes of Greenbrae offers this one:
Here is an actual secret “instruction book” from one of the Sororities at Boston University:

– Wear tight clothes if you are lean and baggy clothes if you are fat.
Yuppies hate fat people so you might not pull it off but try.

– Use make-up to hide your natural non-equilateral aspects. Yuppies only like

– Keep the shine down. It is so important to keep the shine down in the
ever-troublesome T-zone – the top of your nose and your forehead. While this
especially important on a warm day, even the coolest among us may get a little
sweaty when faced with public viewing. Yuppies hate shine.

– Use make-up to hide skin redness. Yuppies love pure white or pure tan skin

– Brush your hair into place. Frizzy or loose hairs can appear messy. On the
other hand, the hair should not be apparent–not slicked down thin against the
skull and then behind the neck in a ponytail. Yuppies hate frizz.

– Keep your face in equilibrium. Look at your face in the mirror. That’s not
actually the face which shows when people look at you. Now stare at your own
reflection. After some time your face will reach its “normal” appearance, your
“equilibrium” face. Now deactivate your eye region and activate your lip region.
Don’t clench your teeth; just make sure that your upper and lower jaw molars
touch each other. If you smile with your mouth open, don’t let your upper lip
expose much of your gums, or let your lower lip cover far over the bottom of
your upper teeth. Always smile if your complexion is dark or dull and your smile
should be a slight one. At the same time, stress the corners of your eyes and
raise your eyebrows a little. Practice this exercise every day before mirror for
a few minutes. Yuppies love equilibrium.

– Arrange your body three quarters towards others with one foot in front of
the other and one shoulder closer to the viewer than the other. Women tend to do
this naturally, but it’s harder for men, who tend to present a square angle
front-on to the other because they are animals and like to confront other men.
If you turn your head slightly to the side and look straight ahead, you will
appear to be looking straight at the viewer no matter the viewing angle (like
George Washington on the US one dollar bill). (Yuppies love Money)

– If sitting, slightly angle yourself.

– Lean slightly toward the other person; it adds interest, improves facial
definition and helps to minimize the appearance of wrinkles and flabby skin.
Just keep your chin tucked down. Yuppies hate flappy chins. Get rid of a double
chin. Tilt your head up slightly and try to position yourself so that the other
person is a little above, or at, your eye level. This will hide a double chin
effectively. You can also put one hand under your chin as though you’re resting
your head on your hand (keep the thumb side of your hand out of the other
person’s view, if possible). Don’t actually rest any weight on the hand,
however, or you will push the skin into an unflattering position. Also, try
resting your tongue against the roof of your mouth.

– Focus on your posture. Not only does this matter for how others see you but
daily good posture makes everything easier in life, including your confidence.
Good posture can dramatically improve your appearance in pictures. Sitting or
standing up straight will make you look healthier and more alert and, if in a
group setting, and more attractive than your slouching companions. Breathe
normally and relax your shoulders. If you usually have bad posture, it may be
difficult to stand up straight and not look stiff, so practice this in the
mirror, working toward improving your posture in the long term.

– When smiling, try a relaxed closed-mouth smile or an open-mouth smile with
the lower lip relaxed and down, not up for a smile that gets oddly narrower
toward the middle–practice in front of a mirror.  If you know a person is about
to look at you, take a deep breath and exhale naturally, relaxing your arms and
shoulders. As you exhale, smile or strike whatever pose is appropriate. Don’t
hold your breath, either in or out, otherwise you’ll appear as though you’re
tense or suffocating .If you see the other person about to look at you too late,
don’t panic and try to strike a pose. Keep doing what you’re doing. It may not
turn out perfectly, but you’ve got a better chance than if the other person
catches you quickly trying to change your facial expression.Relax your lip
(mouth) region and don’t have any delirious thoughts filled with gloom. It’s a
natural way to appear fresh and appealing in life.Don’t be so relaxed that you
appear distracted. Distraction or annoyance always shows to the other person.

– Don’t have any tattoos; they just show that you will have sex with anybody
or do drugs all the time. If you are a girl you can get a “tramp stamp” as long
as it is classy if you are only trying to be a trophy wife so you can divorce
and get alimony.

– Smile with your eyes. Nothing projects happiness and beauty like smiling
eyes: a happy, somewhat mischievous expression of the eyes. To achieve this
effect, ALWAYS imagine that every other person is someone you have a crush on
walking into the room. This will create wider open eyes and a relaxed,
three-quarter smile. Think about your crush or lover; this will make you blush
making your cheeks rosy red. Chances are you unconsciously do this all the time;
the trick is to be able to bring it out on demand, so practice the smiling eyes
in front of a mirror, and creating a smile “trigger”.Fake it till you make it.
Pretend like you are hot for everybody no matter how much they disgust you.

– Try to get one eyebrow to go up whenever you pretend to be interested in
what others say.

– Watch Jennifer Aniston on TV and copy every facial expression she does. She
is the queen of fake facial expression. Do everything she does every chance you

If you do these things. Everybody will love you and you will be able to work
downtown at an investment bank.

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